I have just had the worst straight-razor shave since I started. I used some products given to me very kindly by a chap in a local gentlemen's grooming parlor and for some reason totaly beyond me men-ü, the makers of said products, put cooling agents in eveything which closed up my pores meaning it was like dragging broken glass agross my face trying to cut the hairs, when normaly my razor is so aharp it can cut a hair purly by laying said hair on the blade. Awful, I certainly won't be using men-ü products when my bar or carrot soap works 100 times better and was only 46p compared to £7.

I keep getting the feeling that i have no friends anymore, am I getting a rep for being a dick?

It already means that one artist, who shall remain un-named for the sake of drama, has taken my comment off their artwork because I surgested it might bare a resemblence to a TV program they happen not to like, or as they put it "I fucking hate Dr.Who". Right, pettiness is the order of the day now then? Yes, brilliant.

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then, it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart 

He was attacked by hudson last night, tore open his belly in a fight. We took him to the vet but he had to be put down, going to collect the body. Havn't cried yet but again didn't really get to say goodbye propolly.

I went to see SALT the other day and it's made such an impression on me that last night I had a dream that we were coming out of the cinema from it, we being Starpaw and myself, and saw Orona and shep coming out of a different screen. They'd been to see Piranah 3D and it was so 3D that shep had had a finger bitten off by a piranah that had jumped from the screen and attacked him.

New icon, hurrah!

...tonight, walking home from work I was asked, by a lovely lady, "Do you want any business, love?"

He died last night at around 9pm, whilst I was out bowling with fioxy and Jason was asleep. Jason rang fioxy as we were driving back to say he'd found him dead at the bottom of the cage, luckily I was only afew minutes away. He was laying on the bottem of the cage as though asleep, actualy as though he was drifting off to sleep because his eyes were still half open. He was so cold and stiff, rigor mortis had set in I think, i couldn't bend his body or head or any of his limbs and I was so filled with dread at the touch of him I had to take my shirt off and use that. Once I held him in my arms though, the frail thin ratty, He'd been loosing weight for weeks prior, I couldn't help but cuddle him directly. He was so soft feeling but his body was hard, really hard, and he was so cold it seemed like he was even colder then the air around him.

We couldn't find anything to use as a coffin so I made him a shroud from some brown matterial, that I used to make the poppet that hangs on my door from, and sewed it up with blue embroiding thread, inside it with him I put some smokey quartz, a symbol of dead, and a feather to carry his soul away to any God who will take it. I kisses his little head, closed his eyes for him and rolls him up in the fabric, then stitched up the edges so it wouldn't come unrolled. Then, once it was secure, I painted OAK in blue water colours on the top, blue so you could see it best against the brown, and told him stories of when we first got him as I did so.

He was my ratty at the petshop, I saw him an imediatly wanted him, Jason wanted Ash because Ash is albino and he felt sorry for him, but I wanted to frightened little brown thing at the back, and that was Oak. He'd always come and find me when we let him out of the cage, and have his tummy tickled, and lay with me when I was alseep on the couch. He'd try to clean my teeth too. Even when he was old and loosing weight he'd still stand at the edge of the couch and wait for me to pick him up and I feel so sorry and stupid to havemissed his death, I don't think I'll even forgive myself.

He's burried in the back garden now, right at the far end under what I think is a sicamore tree, deep enough into the earth so that the cats and fox's can't get him easily. I don't I've ever cried so much digging that grave with the tiny purple plastic child's spade we found abandoned in the garden. I dug the first part and Jason dug the last, then I handed his little shroud to Jason and he cried more at how light it was and how our rat felt in his hands, he'd refused to touch his lifless body and I don't blame him for that. I put him in the ground and sprinkled some food around him incase he got hungry, and then put on that first spade full of earth and just broke down, I've never cried so much seeing my little boy go into the ground, I wanted to pull him out of that shroud and cuddle him back to life and not put him in the cold dirty earth, I wanted to protect him but I couldn't. I did the only thing I could do, put on another pile of earth, and another, and another till you couldn;''t see his shroud anymore, it was somehow easier once I was just piling soil upon soil and not onto the fabric, it hurt less and I cried less. Though I don't think I've cried as much writing a livejournal.

I can see him from my PC, out the window I can see where I burried him, I hope he's ok where ever he is. I miss him so much.

For My Oaky

I love you.

Iffy.

Over all the con's been okay, the amazing parts i feel were over shadowed by extreme moments of shittyness that brought me from euphoric highs to really deep and dark lows, really overshadowed to whole con for me. I met some really cool people though and I feel a few of them could be really good friends in the future, and some maybe even friends for life. I think I'll come again next year but I've learnt the things I'll be doing differently for sure.

p.s. Some guy in the headless lounge said that he and his friends were talking about me in the car on the way up from Florida, it's kinda scary knowing that people you've never heard of are discussing you on a different continent, I know for sure it was about one of two things and I hope it was the nice one.

peace brothers.